Stiff Upper Lip

The Tork & Grunt blog is changing with the emigration of their author to sunnier climes.

Maybe I'll write some management stuff from time to time, but meanwhile here's something you may have seen, to add a smile to the Bank Holiday Weekend:-

The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats in Islamabad and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross". Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance". The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666.

The French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide". The only two higher levels in France are "Collaborate" and "Surrender". The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France 's white flag factory, effectively paralysing the country's military capability.

It's not only the French who are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing". Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides".

The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose".

Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels .

The Spanish are all excited to see their new submarines ready to deploy. These beautifully designed subs have glass bottoms so the new Spanish navy can get a really good look at the old Spanish navy.

Americans meanwhile are carrying out pre-emptive strikes on all of their allies, just in case.


New Zealand has also raised its security levels - from "baaa" to "BAAAA!". Due to continuing defence cutbacks (the airforce being a squadron of spotty teenagers flying paper aeroplanes and the navy some toy boats in the Prime Minister's bath), New Zealand only has one more level of escalation, which is "Shit, I hope Austrulia will come and rescue us". In the event of invasion, New Zealanders will be asked to gather together in a strategic defensive position called "Bondi".

Australia , meanwhile, has raised its security level from "No worries" to "She'll be right, mate". Three more escalation levels remain: "Crikey!", "I think we'll need to cancel the Barbie this weekend" and "The Barbie is cancelled". There has not been a situation yet that has warranted the use of the final escalation level.

Is it Speaker Support or Audience Support?

Why do you hold meetings and why do you make presentations?
If the answer is “to share information,” then you’re living in the pre-literate age. After all, why would you hold a meeting when you have all the resources of information technology in addition to paper-based media, telephones and even the notice board by the coffee machine?
There is only one purpose behind any presentation or meeting, and that is to change the mindset of the audience. In simple terms, a presentation should be designed to make people think differently and either do things differently or do different things.
That’s why speakers must project the issue in a way that the audience can relate to. They’re sitting at your presentation with simple thoughts in their minds: “Why am I here? How is this relevant? What’s in it for me?” Many speakers leave their audience to work out the answers to these questions for themselves. They make a presentation of facts and figures without adequate interpretation and with no clear directive about what needs to happen next.
If you answer these three questions you’ll have the framework of an effective presentation:
1. What do you want to change, why and how?
2. What information will support your proposition?
3. What imagery will make the emotional connection to enhance the logic of your argument.
Good presentations are about the logic and relevance of what you have to say, and good PowerPoint is about creating the emotional connection between your message and your audience.

Is it Speaker Support or Audience Support?

View more Microsoft Word documents from Bob Harvey.

The Clutter of Identity

The picture is my desk, a couple of minutes ago when I stopped searching Google images and reached for my Nokia 8gb. My desk is always cluttered, crowded and messy. From time to time I scoop everything off into a crate and try to get around to sorting it out sometime. This apparent lack of discipline has effectively enforced some rather strict disciplines. The post is opened the moment it arrives and bills get paid immediately, on-line, with a delayed date -naturally - so I don't lose any notional interest. Creative people seem to fall into two categories: the cluttered and the minimalist. My category is obvious, though I love the blank canvas of minimalism, which just waits for a few pieces of well-chosen clutter until... Well, at least I try.
But the reality is that I tend to identify myself through my clutter, everywhere in my life. A dish of pebbles on the bookshelf, a box full of old postcards, those empty jars scrubbed clean of their labels and waiting to be filled with screws, or nails, or maybe sand from a beach I remember.
The challenge now is the prospect of moving home. My partner has had countless homes in the past decade across two continents. I have moved twice, - but within a 5-mile radius. My clutter has moved with me, the pebbles placed back on their dish, the box of postcards placed in a dusty cupboard and the collection of jars neatly boxed under the bed.
Now the prospect looms of moving to Italy, starting afresh with a joint home and combined resources, energies and... clutter. Except that I have to admit a sense of confusion in the way that I identify with my clutter. It's a strange sense of loss and a wonderful sense of newness.
It's coming to terms with all the impact of a new identity. Exciting.

Home is where the tax is

Writers have always been able to work anywhere; it's taken me a while to find the courage to move away from my clients and - more importantly - to acknowledge that I am actually a writer. And it's taken me years to fully accept that idea, going back to a dinner party a dozen years ago when the hostess introduced me to her friends with the unforgettable words:"This is my friend, Bob - he's a writer."
In truth, I've always thought of myself more as a communicator, and hence Tork & Grunt, and the books on two aspects of interpersonal communication, negotiations and presentations. Then, when I was asked to write children's books, I didn't hesitate, and I'm excited by my next project of personal-development books for the sub-teenage group, starting with one all about happiness. Mind you, corporate communication still fascinates me, and I am continuing my work on helping people to improve their presentation content and style with a much-needed book that will denounce much of what has been written about the effective use of PowerPoint.
What I've now decided - with the help of a very dear partner whose love of Italy is as intense as mine - is that I don't need to be in Tunbridge Wells, or anywhere near my clients, in order to put fingers to keyboard and create my work. And so, if it's not tempting fate to write it, we are in the throes of the excruciating process of acquiring a former farmhouse in the Marches, twixt Ancona and the Sybilline mountains, where 4-wheel drive and the arrival of broadband will ensure that we can operate just as effectively as in Britain.
With my clients all in the English-speaking world (well, their version of English, you know) I am still wondering where I will stand in terms of taxation. I am now officially on the Italian radar, with my Italian taxcode that enables me to open a bank account, but as a self-employed person I have no idea how the system will operate.
And to be honest, I'd rather not rush to find out. It's more than enough of a complication to follow the Italian property purchasing system, and worry about important considerations like whether the removals van will make it down and up the gravel track.
In our global society, with e-bay and money that moves at the touch of a PIN code in a hole in the wall, I wonder how the establishment will keep tags on everyone in years to come.
Meanwhile, I far too busy wondering where I'll put the herb garden, and longing to try out the wood-burning oven that's conveniently near where the patio and pergola will be.

The meaning of words

As a linguist and a writer, I appreciate the critical importance of understanding the subtle nuances of language. Both French and German (and many other languages around the world) have several words for "You," according to the degree of familiarity and formality. As a foreigner you will probably be perplexed by the way Latin countries are moving the goal-posts on conversational familiarity, and may find that generational differences and even regional variations between town and country.

Don't let anyone tell you they speak our language in the United States, especially if you're shopping for clothes. You'll find that knickers are shorts, pants are trousers and vests are waistcoats. All of this can be mildly amusing, but move language into the the fields of business and politics and the implications can be serious.

The problem arises when the word carries different connotations in different languages, and if you are unaware of these differences, you can land yourself in difficulties. Such a word is "crusade." Dictionaries give "military campaign" as the prime meaning, but in general parlance it's the figurative meaning of "aggressive movement against public evil" that is meant to be communicated. A major diplomatic flare-up occurred when the US projected the invasion of Iraq as a crusade, meaning "aggressive movement against public evil" while the Muslim world perceived that America was considering the action in its literal context of a Holy War - specifically in the context of reclaiming Holy Land from Islamic rule.
As I am at pains to point out in Tork & Grunt's Guide to Effective Negotiations, what matters is not what you say, but what the other party hears and how they interpret your communication.

So - it's Valentine's today, and did you hear what you wanted to hear...?

How to forget the credit crunch

Try as I might, I can't find a still of the T-mobile commercial, so you'll just have to watch it here at the dedicated You-Tube section they've set up for their "Life's for Sharing." campaign.

Is it fun, or is it just hype? I don't care.... I just wish I'd been there.

Hurrah - Someone's got the message...!

'Tork & Grunt's Guide to Effective Negotiations' gets a glowing review in the January issue of Management Today. The current issue of the UK's leading management magazine reviews three new books on negotiations and praises our cavemen's tale as 'Best of its kind.' At last, someone has read the book and really got the message, unlike the lukewarm response of the UK book-selling fraternity whose inability to grasp the concept has meant virtually no in-store display and promotion. To quote the heart-warming reviewer: 'If the idea of taking advice from cartoon men wearing animal skins seems unusual, be reassured that it works - and very well too.'
My proactive response to the retail trade since before Christmas has been to make sure that whenever I see a W H Smith or Waterstone's shop I pop in and rearrange the business shelves so that my books are both face-out to the customers.

I'm probably just too impatient, and should take heart from the fact that the MT review has rocketed my book into the Amazon UK top ten on negotiation. Meanwhile 'Tork & Grunt's Guide to Great Presentations' just makes it into the top 50 in its category leaving me fuming at the some of the titles that rank higher. It's not a matter of jealousy, it's the knowledge that I did read these other titles in the course of my research and I know that they - for the most part - churn out old theories that have long since been superseded.

However, I can't say this without praising two of the top ten which both enjoy well-deserved success. These are Presentation Zen by Garr Reynolds and Slideology by Nancy Duarte. They are both mainly focused on the style and appearance of your presentation, and you won't find anything out there to compare with these excellent books. My own genre is to aim for a broader appeal, and hopefully Management Today will - in time - review Tork & Grunt's Guide to Great Presentations and get more copies out there and talked about.